STOP RUNNING IN AND OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE WHEN IT’S FUCKING SNOWING OUTSIDE!
There are people in here trying to be warm and cozy on their day off.
The snow is melting all over the floor and could potentially soak my fuzzy socks.
I don’t plan on wearing my winter jacket inside of my house. OR gloves.
If there’s one thing I request, it’s this:
PLAY SOME DECENT FUCKING TELEVISION!
There should be special programming for snowy days where they play back-to-back movies and series marathons of awesomeness. I realize that there might be a difference of opinion about what these movies and shows might be, and for that I have no real solution.
But I think we could all agree that To Wong Fu, Thanks For Everything, is a universally loved film.
Here in Tennessee, we’re pretty used to snow alerts and never seeing anything happen. “TEN INCHES! BEWARE!” and the next day it’s like, “well…ok?”
But you still have your over-prepared who raid the grocery stores like they’re re-stocking their bomb shelters. Today is the one time that I feel like the fucking asshole for judging those people. As I sit here and think about all of the groceries that I DON’T have stocked in the cabinets and how, by 5 o’clock tonight, it will be too dangerous to try to get out anywhere to get anything.
Yet I still can’t make myself put on warm clothes and go to the grocery store now, while I still have a safe chance to go and get back without being killed by idiot drivers who have no clue how to drive in the snow.
Now…I know that whichever state you live in, you think that all of the drivers in your state have no idea how to drive in the snow compared to you. It’s probably accurate. However, I think that the worst of them live here, in Tennessee. It’s not like this state never sees snow, but it’s a very random occurrence. If you factor in all of the bull-headed, testosterone driven dudes who drive oversized diesel trucks and add to that the fact that this state doesn’t require behind the wheel classes in order to obtain a license, TIMES that by the non-existent state inspections on vehicles you have yourself, ladies and gentlemen, a mother-fucking shitpocalypse.
In Virginia, we were required to take an allotted amount of hours in a behind the wheel class. This is a class where you drive a car around with a certified instructor and they teach you how to properly merge, parallel park, weather-safe driving skills and tips etc. We were also required to take a lecture-style class in high school. These classes were pivotal in learning how to deal with hydro-planing, driving in foggy, snowy, rainy, and icy conditions.
When I was growing up, snow was more common where I lived and most of our parents were even more used to snowy conditions which was beneficial in terms of learning the ways of snowy driving.
So, I do feel a bit more equipped to drive in these conditions than most. I know to go slow and never slam on your brakes or shove on the gas.
4-wheel drive is great and ideal, but front-wheel drive can still get you home if you know how to balance your gas and brake pedal.
Everyone else seems to think that you should blast full speed ahead. Fuck stopping at stop lights. Fuck a bunch of yielding. It’s a “move bitch, get out the way” mentality.
So, even though I’m comfortable driving in snow, I am not comfortable with everyone else driving in snow.
This is what husbands are for. You love them, you couldn’t live without them. But you’d rather they risk their lives getting to the grocery store than risk your own.
“Here’s my list babe. Thanks. Be careful. Love you.”
Why in the fuck does HBO insist on CONSTANTLY playing the movie Veronica Mars?
I DEMAND VARIETY! Even if I DO love Kristen Bell.